Shriner U: Lessons in Leadership From My Toddler - An Empathy First Approach

[title card] Shriner U logo; Shriners International Education Foundation presents: Lessons in Leadership from my Toddler: an Empathy First Approach

[a slide titled "Leadership Lessons from my Daughter; Empathy / Sympathy; An image of two adults on a boat with a child with their covered by a smiley cartoon image; Shriner U logo, Shriners International Education Foundation logo]

Charles Maddox, Divan, Ben Hur Shrine:

These are not mutually exclusive or these are mutually exclusive. Empathy and sympathy are two different concepts, and I have realized in Masonry, and I've actually also realized in the practice of law and really in general, that a lot of people use these as synonyms when in fact they're completely different. Empathy is a firsthand knowledge or understanding of where a person is coming from. Sympathy is being able to understand, though, not necessarily relate to where that person is coming from. Now, it's been decades since I've been my daughter's age, and so I can't exactly understand what it's like to not have a certain toy working the way that it ought to work. I may not understand what it's like to not be able to eat when I want to eat, so I may not have that empathy, but I do have that sympathy for her. I can understand that she's hungry and we just have a few more minutes to get to the house in order to feed her, or maybe her toy isn't working properly.

So again, using patience, we have to be patient to figure out what the problem is. I do have empathy with her, though. If she injures herself, if she skins her knee or she falls down and bruises herself, I know what that's like. I've been there before. We've all been there before. So empathy is the knowledge and experience of what someone's going through, whereas sympathy is just the ability to understand where that person is coming from without necessarily having that firsthand knowledge or that firsthand experience. How that relates to our leadership in our various organizations is again, that time management, the empathy of understanding where this person is coming from. Maybe they have three or four different responsibilities that they have to attend to. Maybe they have different family tasks. Someone could be looking out for a sick child or a sick grandparent, and that may demand more of their time than we're not used to.

Sympathy is also the ability, In this case, I don't understand what some of those things are like, but I know that this is something that's taxing your time and taxing your resources. So maybe I have to give you additional time in order to perform a responsibility, or maybe this is a responsibility that ought to be delegated to somebody else. As you go through your DI vans and as you prepare to be Potentate, one of the most powerful opportunities you can afford people is delegating responsibilities and seeing them get carried out. So again, that kind of understanding of where someone is coming from, if you have that firsthand experience, that is absolutely wonderful, now you know where they're coming from. You know exactly what it is that they're going through. Maybe you know what it's like to be that brand new Noble who's been asked to put together a tiki torch-themed party.

You now know what it's like to have to get a caterer, or if you don't have a caterer, to get enough people in the kitchen to prepare the food. You know what it's like to be in that position to have to get a DJ or a band to secure the space. Make sure you have enough decorations. Make sure that if you have to spend any money that you're within budget. You used to do that before. You now know where that new noble is coming from. Or maybe, for example, you didn't do ritual in your Blue Lodge. There are some members that have some difficulty with their ritual, and so when we're performing a ceremonial, now you understand, well, maybe this isn't something I ought to do, or maybe this is difficult for somebody else. Now you can understand that sympathy of where it is that they're coming from, that maybe it is a little bit more difficult for them.