Shriner U – A Family Affair Fireside Chat: A Family Focus

[Title Card] SIEF Noble Academy logo, Shriners International Education Foundation presents: Shriner U – A Family Fireside Chat: A Family Focus

[Title Card] Mandii Sturlaugson, Spouse, El Zagal Shriners

Now, one of the things that we haven't talked about yet, Jordan, is what is your take? How do we address the most common question, which is, if you've got kiddos and you've got drinking, what do you do?

[Title Card] Jordan Settle, PP, Jaffa Shriners

Yes. I think that's come up in every one of our family events that we've ever discussed. And again, allowing society to help guide us in a direction. Just because there's alcohol in an event doesn't mean that, first of all, that anyone has to drink it. And the second part is someone can have one drink and leave. I think that if you look back at the different types of family-friendly events that are out there in the world, professional sporting events, try going to a professional sporting event where they don't sell, where you can't get a beer. Theaters now, our movie theater has beer and wine and so you could go see, if your kid wants to go see a cartoon, the parents could grab a beer while their kids are watching the cartoon. And again, it's not necessarily something that's bad.

So, the people that say that just because there's alcohol at events means that there shouldn't be kids. Really, that's not the way society is looking at it. Different theme parks, amusement parks, different ones, they're selling alcohol at them. And it's again, the goal behind this is to constantly be thinking about doing family-friendly events. But just because alcohol's at an event doesn't mean it's not family-friendly.

Mandii Sturlaugson:

Absolutely. And you know what? Not everything has to be geared towards kids as well, right? I think we can all think of wine tastings and we do a brewery party with that and different events, [inaudible 00:01:52] are geared towards kids. But I think, again, if your ratio is geared more towards non-family inclusion versus other, I think that's a good point for us to do some self-reflection on, is that the best showing for organic growth?

I think the other thing is some of these, and I'll tell you just from some personal experiences, I love the organic growth of things. I believe truthfully that fun is contagious. If you look back from our experiences, the best thing that we could do was not only, like I said, scream about the fun that we have, advertise it, post it, share it, make it advi... Give the FOMO. These are new terms, folks. The fear of missing out. We want that excitement so that people can recognize that the Shrine is a family-welcoming environment. And by doing so, what I will tell you is it doesn't have to always be Shrine families. And what I mean by that is, we would always bring our kiddos to an event and anybody who has kiddos knows that it's also, a lot of times, it's easier if you bring more than one. If they have a friend, things are always easier. You get a different dynamic. They can have a box and they'll have fun.

But at the end of the day, what we would come with events, we'd come with a minimum of four to six kids because every one of our kiddos would bring a friend. And the excitement that those non-Shrine kids had by coming to it with their friends, the boys would have experiences where they would get to dress up, the girls would have experiences when you want to get dressed up. Even though we were older in time, doesn't change with us, girls love reasons to get dressed up. If you're a little girl, I want to get a pretty dress. If you're a big girl, you get to ask your friends, "Oh my gosh, where'd you get your dress?" That is just how our society works. We cherish these fun little trivial things.

And so when we bring that organic growth and we recognize and bring more influence into that, so your kids bringing your kiddos' friends to these events, you know what happens? Is those kids go home, they tell their parents, the parents got involved because they knew they were coming. If they got a dress, they got a dress. Otherwise, they just know they had a good time. And those kiddos come back and they tell their parents, "I had the greatest time doing whatever it was. We had a clown that taught me how to make balloon animals." You know what? That's the fun and those are the memories. Those kids that were not even Shrine kids that got to experience and they go home and they tell their parents and their parents have a little different interest in that.

And you'll get families and you'll have moms that come back and be like, "Why are you guys always getting dressed up? I would love a reason to get dressed up with my date." And you know what? These are those introductory and those moments that are organic, you didn't take a lot of effort, but the impact has a trickle-down effect to it. I think you probably had some of those experiences with your kiddos too, right, Jordan?

Jordan Settle:

Oh, yes. So I mean, being unintentional, when we bring our kids to the Jaffa Shrine circus. My daughters, I'm in the horse patrol at Jaffa and we work one of the concession stands, and since they've been five or six years old they've helped out. And all they do is they take the hot dogs from another Shriner and they bring it over to the counter for someone to pick up. And I'll never forget when my daughter, Hayden, was like six years old, one of her friends came over and it was like, "Hey, what are you doing back there? What are you doing back there at the circus?" And she goes, "Oh, I'm helping Jaffa out."

She's proud with wearing a Jaffa shirt, a polo. And she's like, "Yeah, I work here." And the little girl on the other side of the counter goes, "Hey, I want to work here too." And I look over at Dad, I go, "I have a petition for you." And that's kind of the fun part behind this and bringing non-Shrine kids gives you that opportunity because when the kids go home and they talk about the fun that they've had, they're able to go home and say, "Hey, Mom, Dad, I had a really good time at this. Can we do this together?" And then they're asking Matt and Mandii to invite them as well to come to the event.

Mandii Sturlaugson:

Well, and I think again, exactly, and it's that trickle-down. You may or may never get that parent, but you know what? You've exposed that kiddo that in the event when they're 18 years old, when they're... Right now, our son is 20 years old, it sounds weird that, I think I just dated ourselves, right? But our son is going to be 20 years old and his memories are funny about the Shrine. And when his friends get back together, you know what they talk about? "Do you guys remember when we did the sledding party?" Right? They remember these kinds of things. And especially now that they're in college, they're understanding what fraternities mean. They understand what groups mean. And those small nuggets and little pieces of culture that you've instilled into people that they will come back.

Those girls will remember the fun they had and they'll have a different appreciation for, "You know what? I saw, how all of these men treated these women. I see how that I got to be feeling like a princess. I always got dressed up at these things." Having that exposure, they're going to be turning into young women, they'll be dating spouses. We all have separate rules in our family that if you're going to be in the family, you're going to be part of the Shrine. But we see it jokingly, but we want that to be that fun, organic growth. And I think that is one of those things. So, you might not see the fruits of your labor immediately, but you will eventually see it.

I honestly have to say, I think this webinar is one of the prime examples. Matt and I, our journey as local potentate and first lady was in 2015. We started heavily pouring our hearts into the involvement of families through our local Temple, but through the national level in what, 2016, 2015? A little bit before that as well. But you know what? It's now almost 10 years later. And what I can tell you is that nothing excites me more than, one, having this event. Having the ability to recognize that family's important, talking about it. As a woman, I'm allowed to speak about it with you guys. But I'm also super excited about the fact that we're starting to see more and more young families, younger Divan members, younger families in general, getting more interested and more engaged and we're more comfortable with it.

And so I just want to say, we do make progress. There's a joke about Shrine time, and that is a true thing, but you also can't change, turn a ship on a dime. And so, everything that you do intentional, as small as it is, there will be a trickle-down effect. And I want to say, even from a woman involvement, because women are part of that family, we are so impactful in this group. And I say that because we are here to support our men. We're here to help support you be successful and have fun. And as a woman, we're likely going to be the first one that patients end up calling. I can't tell you how many moms call and reach out, "Hey, I think you're associated with the Shrine. What do you do?"

I can't tell you how many times you have a new Noble come in and if their lady's experience is not a positive one, trust me, his journey, his experience is going to be so shortened and so saddened that you're not going to get the potential out of there. So, when we are looking at family, it's positive and it's infecting all of us, whether it be the families, the children, the grandparents that are raising those. So, I really think there's a lot of things to celebrate and know that every little piece works. I think we talk about that all the time, Jordan, that we're excited that we have more and more people reaching out about this. And so I'm excited that we're even here today.

Jordan Settle:

Yeah. You brought one thing about growing up and becoming a Shriner, in the OG family portion of the seminar, I talk about military brats. I talk about Shrine brats. They're not brats. Military brats is a kid that grew up in the military. I'm proud to say my daughters have grown up within the Shrine. They're Shrine brats. And sometimes it's not, I'm not joking about it, if anyone asks for my daughter's hands in marriage, I guarantee the first words out of their mouth are, "You better be a Mason and a Shriner before you ever talk to my father." Because that's kind of the gate to get through. But my girls are going to say that. I don't have to tell them because they were brought up in an organization that was family friendly and they knew the importance of the value that it brought to our family and our community. But as we talk about what we can celebrate, like you said, Shriners International, giving us this platform each year for the leadership seminars as well as, hopefully, this turns into something that happens a little bit more frequently with us.